Lip Service

I love God. Very much. Atleast that is what I have been telling people for as long as I can remember. Amazing then how my life song doesn't sing the same lyrics.

Amazing how I say I believe the Word with all my heart....and then wake up everyday, anxious and afraid for the future, unmindful of the 365 "Fear Not"s in the Bible.

Amazing how I can write a blog post on how fearfully and wonderfully made I am.....and yet carry a truckload of insecurities on my back.

Amazing how I say God is my highest priority and that nothing but nothing can come before Him....and yet find it hard to keep my cellphone aside when I should be in His presence, worshipping Him alone.

Amazing how I can pray "Lord, let your will be done"....and yet keep my foot in a door that He is trying to close.

Amazing how I know every hymn and Gospel chorus about the cleansing, healing power of the Lamb's blood....and yet find it next to impossible to curb my temper and lashing tongue.

Amazing how I have been a knowledgeable Scriptural quiz mistress for ages....and yet cannot bring to mind an appropriate verse to comfort, strengthen and encourage myself when I need it.

Amazing how I teach my Youth Fellowship to depend on nothing but the Word of God....and yet prefer to play Farmville rather than set apart time for Bible reading and devotions everyday.

Amazing how I shout out that Job 13:15 is my life's motto....and yet crib and complain of unfair treatment from the Lord everyday.

Amazing how I describe my life's ambition as to become Christ-like....and yet not even those closest to me can see a trace of His holiness and love in my character.

Amazing how I preach Galatians 2:20 so vociferously....and yet fight ferociously to keep my pride and feed my ego.

Amazing how I project myself as a person of the highest levels of integrity....and yet cannot honestly acknowledge my faults even to myself.

Amazing how I claim to love Him with all my heart....and yet (as I can now see), do not.

Diagnosis: I've gotta be the world's greatest hypocrite and one that has hidden it amazingly well, even from myself! The good news is, the scales have dropped from my eyes.

So what now? Am I going to keep up appearances and continue fooling myself, my friends and my social circle? Am I going to keep churning out beautiful writing that so artfully hides my spiritual imperfections from the world? Am I going to stay blind to the powerlessness of Christ's resurrection power in my pathetically hypocritical life? Am I going to keep insulting my omniscient God with meaningless and fraudulent lip service?

I don't think so. I think it's time. Time to be hard on myself. Time to face up to the half-heartedness of my beliefs. Time to acknowledge and repent for the skin-deep faith I have exhibited. Time to take life by the horns and stand up solidly and relentlessly for everything I have professed to believe in thus far.

Reader, if you've been here, done this, then you know what the plan of action is too. I emphatically suggest you don't waste any more precious time lamenting that God hasn't blessed your holy living. Do yourself a favour and take a long, hard look at your heart-attitude.

Beautiful words that express your faith and a vague good intention to live up to those words in the distant future, do not worship make. Instead, get down and dirty and let your life do all the speaking in place of your lips. In other words, just walk the talk. dude. For only then will you see God's faithfulness shine in your life, like the Pole star on a dark and stormy night. God bless!

Matthew 7:3-5 - "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

What's Wrong with Our World?

A brilliant young speaker was our preacher this Sunday. To a dazed and startled congregation, he skillfully narrated the tale of the legendary Reverend Jim Jones who was charismatic enough to lead his own cultic church and convince thousands to leave their jobs and daily lives and follow him and live in a small, secluded hermit community around him. A man who was dynamic enough and psychotic enough to persuade almost a thousand unfortunate devotees to commit mass suicide through cyanide poisoning. A deranged monster of a man. And what was it that attracted so many to him? The fact that in an unfeeling, uncaring world, he and his cult seemed to care for them. "What's wrong with the world?" our speaker boomed from the pulpit. And it prompted me to think. What IS wrong with us?

I think we as a race, have evolved to such a level that we no longer know what is important to us. There is today a painful scarcity of that rarest of all commodities - Love. When was the last time you said "I love you" to someone? Think about it. Spouses, parents, friends, sweethearts....all of us....we hesitate to say "I love you". Why? And even when we do so, what do we really mean? Do we mean, "I love you because it is convenient, painless and necessary for me", or do we mean, "I love you in spite of everything because I can't help it"?

In a world that teaches us to grab, wear blinkers, climb over fallen comrades and fight our way to the top, where is the space for Love? It's a 'dog-eat-dog' world and it's every man for himself. Parents push children to over-achieve when they should be allowing them space to blossom on their own; children focus on their own dreams and force their parents to fade into the background. Husbands don't think they need to tell their wives everyday that they appreciate them; Wives breed resentment because they believe they are being taken advantage of. Even friends use each other and move on when they are done. Really, where is the Love?

Since childhood, I have done my best to avoid movies like 'The Passion of the Christ' because I could never reconcile myself to the fact that God sent His only Son to die so painfully a criminal's death, for my ruddy sake! It just seems so amazingly unfair to me. With every painful, dragging step as He carries the cross to Golgotha, with every crack of the thorny whip on His shattered and furrowed back and with every blow of the hammer on His bloodied, nailed wrists, I wince and tremble and ineveitably end up blubbering into my neighbour's sleeve. I did that at 7 and at 30, I continue to do it. However, there is one big reason why I keep watching these movies.....for just one scene that will always remain before my eyes - the courtyard scene with Peter and Jesus.

Jesus has been dragged to the High Priest's courtyard and flogged within an inch of His life through the customary 39 lashes. Peter is lurking in the background trying to sneak a look or maybe garner some information on what awaits His Lord. By the light of the bonfire there, a woman recognises Peter. He waves her away hoping no one has heard her. To his great dismay though, soon many more identify him. "Weren't you with the Nazarene?" they ask. "Weren't you part of his entourage too?" "We know you, we saw you with him...", they badger Peter. Trapped and cornered, he chooses the smartest way out. Thrice he utters the same lie - "No, no, leave me alone. I tell you I do not know the man!" At the 3rd utterance, the cock crows (as Jesus once predicted it would) loud and clear. Shaken by his betrayal, Peter looks up, only to gaze directly into the eyes of an exhausted Jesus who meets his look from across the courtyard. Unable to bear that look, Peter flees the place.

I have often wondered what it was that Peter saw in Jesus' eyes that night. What was it that caused him so much grief and shame and later toughened him up so much as to become the rock on which the church was built and even unto a martyr's death? Was it disappointment? Couldn't be. Jesus knew this was coming. Bitterness? Sorrow? Pain? Tears? After much deliberation, I can only conclude that to effect such a reaction from Peter, the expression in Jesus' eyes, could have been only one thing - Love.

To be betrayed by all you knew and healed and fed and cared about, to be deserted by your closest friends, to be at death's door with no one who loves you enough by your side, to lie there bleeding and friendless and dying.....and to still be able to convey with just one look all your heart's passion for someone...now THAT is Love. Where is that Love in our world today?

Admit it. All of us are starved for love and affection in some way or the other. The old beggar at the beach deserted by his family, the young software techie making a lonely living faraway from home, the silent suburban housewife wishing her husband would come home early, the little orphan child hoping someone would adopt her, the widowed woman with kids wondering if someone will ever love her again, the aging single man desperate for just one woman to love him as he is......face it...we all need Love.

God's love is of course available to all of us. But there is one conditional clause. God's love can reach people only via media other people. If you like me are wondering today what's wrong with the world, then stand up and do your part. Go home and love your family. Go out and show someone you care. Little by little, one person at a time, we can heal the world.

Afraid you'll get hurt if you do love somebody genuinely and with all you've got? Honestly speaking, you probably will. You can't love someone without emotionally investing yourself in them. But then again, think of Jesus, (the Son of God who ought to have been sitting by His Father's side, reigning in royal majesty), rolling around in His own blood, torn and battered because of you, and still saying, "I love you so much". Maybe that will help.

A Blessed Easter to you friend.....

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. " - 1 John 4:9-12

2009, Thy Name is Change!

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." - Proverbs 23:7

I've always been a self-confessed pessimist. Never shy about admitting it, I've occasionally been known to even crow it proudly from the rooftops! Flabbergasted? Hang on. I had a good reason to so blatantly endorse a negative thought pattern. Atleast I thought I did. I thought it was smart to be a pessimist. That way, if something nice happens to you, it's a pleasant surprise and if something terrible happens, well you knew it was coming anyways!!

Being the smart person that your are, you must have noticed by now dear Reader, that the previous paragraph is mostly in the past tense. Since mid-January '09, I have made a 180-degree about-turn on what I once presumed was an infallible philosophy. In my usual scatter-brained way, I shall now assume that the minutest details of how my weird brain works is of exquisite importance to all the world and shall proceed to enlighten you on why I have so drastically changed a policy that I had imagined so long, was working for me. If you're yawning already, please feel free to skip to the last paragraph. But if you're the stubborn kind, stay with me Reader, for I'm gonna take you on a ride that might change your life. It certainly changed mine.

I didn't choose to be a pessimist. I don't think I even spent a minute thinking about it as I was growing up (Ever seen a pessimistic child?). As is usual, Life happened to me and after having received a substantial number of kicks under the belt, I naturally chose to be wary of what's coming around the corner. Except that as is normal for me, I was extreme about it. I was the young woman who wouldn't take a risk at anything. I would throw away raffle tickets long before the draw date, build mountains outta termite heaps, moan over things that I imagined would happen sometime or the other and pretty much spent my youth shadow-fencing with life. I wouldn't even try bowling with my friends 'cos I was absolutely sure it would be a gutter ball and everyone would laugh at me! The same went for snooker, entering the best B-school possible, growing in my chosen field of work and even in finding my prince.

I was always the one that hung behind, peering suspiciously, pussy-footing and finally nodding vigorous No's at the myriad opportunities that literally thrust themselves in front of my nose in so many life spheres. My attitude puzzled a lot of people who thought I had all it took and more, to face life's challenges and come out tops. Some even believed I was unfairly equipped as compared to other people. Frankly, their attitudes puzzled me too. I couldn't for the life of me, see what was so great about being me, especially with a magnificent list of past failures to my credit.

By the time I was 30, I was a hardened pessimist who believed that life had a roaring lemon business going, considering the number of lemons it handed out to so many unprepared mortals everyday. I vowed I would never be one of them, and went about it by screwing up my face and bracing myself every time I came to a moment of truth. Truth is though, however hard I braced myself, I still found myself reeling anyways when the expected blow finally came.

Looking back now, I think it mostly came because I was expecting it to! This over-cautious attitude of my past has truly done nothing for me. Sure, it sapped me of positive life energy, allowed me to turn the other way while the chances of a lifetime danced past me, completely lowered my self-esteem and significantly contributed to a string of failures in life arenas where I should by all right never have failed at all. Apart from these ignominious achievements, my negativity has done zip for me.

Mid-January this year, I went through a personal crisis that threatened to swallow up my sanity and envelope me in the mother of all depressions I've ever been swamped in so far. Consequently, an innate sense of survival kicked in and I was forced to re-examine my attitudes and the way they've affected my life. I could remember most of my close friends telling me atleast once that I was negative about something even before I embarked on it or had a chance to explore it. Directed by an intuition that I can only call the 'still, small voice of God', and strengthened by the counselling of His Holy Spirit, I chose to reinvent my attitude towards life.

Prompted by my father who to this day regrets his negativity in most things and encouraged by a colleague who is the very soul of optimism, I took to reading 'The Power of Positive Living' by the Late Rev. Norman Vincent Peale. In a matter of days, armed with Biblical references and true-to-life testimonies, the good Rev.Peale's argument for positive thinking and renewed faith turned my life upside down and showed me I'd had it all wrong all along. I had earlier cultivated to an art, the ability to take the most positive of situations and turn them around so that I was a depressed, whimpering pathetic heap of humanity at the drop of a hat. I found to my great delight that I could use that same ability now, to turn myself into a live-wire engine of upbeat positivity and intense faith within that same time frame. It was only a question of what I wanted to do with those few odd seconds. No wonder then that I found myself healthier, eating better, sleeping better and feeling lighter and happier than I can remember in years. And all this, while I am still immersed in my personal crisis.

Positive thinking didn't change my life. It changed me to face life. I have learnt to recognise that life will always have rainy days and fearsome shadows and dark valleys, but I don't have to dwell on them. Instead, I can choose to lift up my soul in the memory of sunny days gone by and the hope of heaven on earth to come. For a confirmed veteran pessimist such as I, this hasn't been easy. I have had to give myself a complete inner makeover, throwing out old ideas and fears and clinging instead with all I've got, to Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Positive thinking demands an unwavering faith in God. I have reasoned that if it true that the Lord of the Old and New Testaments performed miracles then, and if it is also true that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8), then it also follows that our changeless God is capable of those same miracles even today. In Mark 6:4-6, Jesus is amazed at the lack of faith in His hometown and finds Himself unable to perform many miracles there, save a few scattered instances of healing here and there. I think the message is obvious. Many a time, it is our spectacular lack of faith that blocks what God is yearning to do in our lives.

I am done with losing out on the abundant life that Jesus promised. These days, I subscribe to Rabindranath Tagore's view that, "Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is yet dark". This so closely mirrors Hebrews 11:1 -" Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And when I say 'faith' here, I mean a complete confidence in the character of God regardless, of past disappointments or future fears or the circumstances we find ourselves surrounded by. It means jumping off the cliff of doubt without a safety net and completely believing God's gonna meet you half-way there. True faith is like the true love of 1Corinthians 13. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And of course, true faith never fails either.

Faith is not a virtue one acquires and is done with for life. I have learnt the hard way that instead, it is an everyday struggle, where it is quite acceptable to stumble, pick ourselves up and keep going. The key to unlocking a life filled with pure joy and faith then, is to be able to let go of all that we hold onto in our insecurity....every worldly thing that we think will break our mad tumble into failure , despair and anonymity, and simply cling on with the unquestioning faith of a child, in a God whom we trust, will always give us the best (Matthew 7:7-11).

My faith journey has just started and I have a long way to go. But I am encouraged to know that God is with me on this every step of the way. After all, He did say, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7). And I 'm also privy to the knowledge that when I delight in Him, He gives me the desires of my heart ( Psalm 37:4). Even if He won't, I am willing to believe it is for the best because my God is good ALL the time , not just when He's keeping me happy. With the dawning of these realisations, has come the enabling to action the command in Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — His good, pleasing and perfect will." And consequently, I know without a doubt, that one day, I will sing in the Psalmist's words, "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry" (Psalm 40:1), praise God!

My challenge to you today is this: Will you step out in faith today, thrust away everything that whispers in your ear that nothing good can happen to you, put your hope in Him (and Him alone) and believe that He will never suffer those who wait on Him to be shamed (Psalm 25:3a)? It's a New Year people.....Chew on it.....

"........Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief" - Mark 9:24
(For more on what the Word of God says about faith, please click here)

Beauty and the Beast....Within!

I was in Delhi last week and literally staggered with the culture shock that hit me like a hard slap in the face. This part of India didn't look anything like India! I was instead forcefully reminded of Hollywood....not the movie industry, but the people. I've never been to Hollywood myself, but I've read more than enough to know that this was the city of beautiful people. Where everyone does their best to look their best, however many nips and tucks and enhancements it takes. In Hollywood, it's just not acceptable to be old, fat, ugly or simply ordinary. People would rather die than appear unpresentable or just their plain old selves. Delhi seems to have taken a leaf out of Hollywood's book, aping the West page for page. Modesty replaced by Vanity. Spirituality ousted by Fashion.

It was the women especially that highlighted this new face of India. Everywhere I saw hemlines that rose and necklines that dipped in jaw-dropping ways! I was ready to lose it though when I spied one young lady who couldn't have been more than fourteen, and whose brassiere top peeped over a plunging neckline! Luckily for her, I'm not old enough to be her mother or she'd have been over my knee in no time getting the spanking of her life!

If I were to put it nicely, I would say the ladies there were all so well groomed, paying particular attention to their skin, hair, faces, figures, clothes and makeup and so perfectly accessorised with matching handbags, shoes and jewellery. But I'm not really all that nice am I? So putting it in my usual caustic way, I'd simply say they all looked like identical plasticky Barbie dolls to me! Is that a snigger I hear? Ahhh...you think I'm jealous? Well I spoke to some of the men there and wasn't surprised to hear almost similar comments from all of them..."Oh Delhi women are all just show...so concerned about style and fashion...so shallow and pretentious". Now tell me again why I would be jealous?

Atleast the magazines there seem to have understood their target audience perfectly. I grabbed a local edition of a well-known women's magazine there and was introduced to pages and pages of ads on cosmetics, slimming pills, spas, designer clothing, columns for anorexic/bulimic women, newly developed pheromone perfumes (believe it!), advice on how to look better than Aishwarya Rai etc. But the funniest section was that which showcased letters from female readers with beauty worries.

These 'poor women' longed for 'chiselled features' in the place of cute chubby faces. Some worried that they weren't born with the all-essential dimple and (dig this!) there were even some who were desperate to augment their rears or perish! Poor poor things...how can you expect a woman to go on living with the misery of an eyebrow hair that's a millimetre longer than the rest? Really, that's so important isn't it in a world that's only going to hell because of poverty, war, violence and sickness? Hey don't get me wrong. It's good for a woman to take an interest in her body and keep herself well groomed. But for heaven's sake, ain't pumping in botox for poutier lips or silicon for a heavier bust size a bit too much?

1 Peter 3:3-5 says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." And Paul says in 1Timothy 2:9-10, "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." I wonder what the apostles Peter and Paul would say if they ever went to Delhi or Hollywood though. They probably might never recover from the shock, hee hee!

The Word of God is clear in its teaching. The careful outlining of the lashes, the meticulous darkening of the eyes, the glossy painting of the lips, the artful colouring of the cheeks, the purposeful donning of clothes in a manner that reveals more than it covers, the attentively cultivated image of perfection....all these may cause sharp intakes of breath in the human admirer but God wouldn't even blink twice at such a conscientiously manicured face.

His idea of beauty is so far removed from ours for He looks directly into the heart. He seeks selfless hands calloused with helping others constantly, tired feet cracked with travelling miles out of the way for someone else, eyes reddened with tears for a neighbour's pain and lips worn with speaking words of comfort to those who need it. Every laugh line that came from making a saddened heart smile and every wrinkle that came from worrying for a friend's sake are precious in the Lord's sight. To Him, that is true beauty...the beauty of the soul inside the shell. Don't waste your time then on superficiality 'cos honestly, God doesn't care whether or not you permed your hair lately.

The poet Kahlil Gibran certainly knew his stuff when he said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart". Proverbs 31:10-31 describes The Wife Of Noble Character and can be taken as a Biblical standard for all women, married or not. Now she, is a woman with a light in her heart....a light called God. A popular pop song goes, 'Dont'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Dont'cha wish your girlfriend was freak like me....." Seriously, don't. Wish she was like the woman of noble character though, for "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

1 Samuel 16:7 - "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

When Heaven is Silent....

I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering how to deal with life. So many things seem to be going wrong. Friends are moving on with their lives, living, loving, changing, even flourishing. The world itself moves at a blurred and frantic pace all around me. But my life seems to have come to a grinding halt. Work, friends, home....none of these feel satisfying, my dreams lie unfulfilled and my need to be loved is cast aside unattended like a hungry, wailing baby. The universe as I know it, is crashing around me and I can't think of a single person to turn to for comfort. Which of my best friends would understand how it feels to be in my shoes? Which buddy, pal or mate would know the right words to take my pain away? I'm feeling drained and.......something else......I think it's hopelessness. It's raining outside and a single tear rolls down my cheek.

I suddenly remember....what about God then? Talking to Him always helps doesn't it? I feel better just at the thought. So my head bows down, my soul looks up to heaven and I cry out to Him from the depths of my heart. My prayer is simple...I know I don't need to say anymore. "Lord, can you hear my heartcry from where you are? I'm at my lowest right now....please say something, I need you so much." This said, I eagerly await a reply. His still small voice, the usual calming effect, the peace that fills my heart in the aftermath....I await these. Realisation dawns soon and I understand no comfort is forthcoming. Heaven itself is strangely silent.

I am puzzled at first, bewildered at best. How can this be? Did He speak and did I miss it? Is He delaying a reply? Should I wait longer? But as the hours roll by, I realise that the usual comfort He has always afforded me is not coming my way this time. The single tear swells to a flood and I curl myself into my pillow shaking with my personal pain. This was most unfair. Didn't God know He's my only refuge, my only hiding place? How could He desert me when I need Him the most? How can heaven's doors remain closed when a needy heart is knocking? Does God care? Does He truly love me? If yes, then why is He silent? Is He as unreliable as humans too? Is He even there for real? A thousand questions arise in my heart simultaneously, a little like startled birds taking flight.

If you're nodding and saying to yourself, "Been there, done that", then it's you I'm talking to, reader. These are the times when our faith is shaken the most.....the times that challenge our belief that He exists and that He cares.....the times when we are ashamed to discuss or admit our unbelief and doubt in a living, caring God to even close friends. How many times we have all travelled there.

What is the truth then? Does God exist? Does He care? And why is He silent when you are hurting? I'm not even discussing the first question here actually. If we choose to measure God's existence by His responses every time, then understand that He feels no compulsion to prove His existence to us. About His care....well you can hardly accuse a God who gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for our salvation, of not caring! So why then is He silent when you are teetering on the brink of the precipices of hopelessness and frustration?

I would like to draw the answer to this maddening question from a shadowed, moonlit olive garden, 2000 years ago. The Garden of Gethsemane....where Jesus prayed the night before He was crucified. Come with me reader, let us tiptoe in on the scene. The Lord Jesus is parting from His beloved disciples. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" He confides, "stay here, and keep watch" (Mark 14:34). They nod dutifully, but minutes after He leaves, their eyes droop and they nod off to sleep. Fine friends indeed! But let us not tarry here. Let us follow Jesus through the undergrowth, as He walks a stone's throw away from them, kneels in a shadowy recess praying His heart out. We can see His lips move, and if we move nearer, we can hear him say, "Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:35)

It is obvious He is in great emotional and spiritual distress as He contemplates the terrible death that awaits Him the next day. He knows it is His destiny, the awful culmination of His Father's grand salvation plan. He struggles to accept so much pain, so much unfair punishment. His human self tries to reconcile why someone as sinless and pure as He, must be the sacrifice to redeem an ungrateful and undeserving world. Watch with me reader as the Lord of the Universe sweats blood in His anguish and grief. Perhaps His friends can comfort Him. He rises and goes to them, only to find that they sleep without a care in the world. Thrice He returns, hoping atleast one would be awake, praying with Him and for Him. Thrice, He is let down.

Deeply disappointed, He return to His alcove, knowing this time there is not one human He can rely on. Perhaps His Father would comfort Him. He prays again the same prayer while we watch with bated breath, hoping for an astonishing display of thunder and lightning and divine intervention in this drama that is fast escalating towards its horrifying end on Golgotha's hilltop. Minutes pass and we slowly realise it is not to be. The same Father who proudly and dramatically declared Jesus "His son whom He loved and with whom He was well pleased" (Matthew 3:13-17) before large crowds at Jesus' baptism in the Jordan river, is now ominously quiet. The heavens themselves are deafening in their silence.

And yet, Jesus faltered not. The next day on the cross He was to cry out that heartbreaking cry of agony, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani" ("My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" - Mark 15:33-34) . Hanging on the cross, his body rent in tremendous physical agony, Jesus watched in unparalelled spiritual agony as His beloved and holy Father, finding Him repulsive on account of all the world's sin that He now bore on His innocent shoulders, turned away from Him. And Jesus was left alone in an unforgiving world that cruicified its King. And yet, Jesus faltered not. He submitted Himself to His destiny, obedient even unto death on the cross. Not for a moment did He doubt that His Father in spite of the silence, loved Him above all things. It is no wonder then that on the third day, Jesus rose again from the dead.

When God is silent, He is not shutting Himself away from you. He is merely allowing you to seek Him in truth and depth. He waits for your response. Will you be faithful like Jesus, knowing that the sun is just behind a cloud and will reappear at any moment? Or is your faith dependant on what benefits you derive from God? We don't doubt the existence of the sun just because day turns to night. Why then would we doubt His love for us just because He elects to hold His peace as is His sovereign choice? Everyday He speaks to us in myriad wonderful ways, but sunk in our mundane lives, we barely notice. However when He fails to deliver the expected feel-good pep speech, He becomes an indifferent God? Very unreasonable, very stupid and very human.

From the lives of great patriarchs in the Bible such as Abraham, Moses, David and Elijah, we see that for a period, God allows us to struggle through on our own, plowing our way through acres of doubt, always pointing our compasses only to the cross. And though it looks like the Lord believes that sometime or the other, saints must walk alone, He's always around the corner waiting to pick us up when we fall! But even if He doesn't, we are called to simply get up and plod on in our Christian walk.

So the next time the heavens fall silent and the Lord seems faraway, remember the example of one Man whose unwavering purpose and faith in His God, changed the history of mankind forever. Remember....Gethsemane!

Psalm 22:1-5 - "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed.

Piano Pains....

Growing up, Sundays evenings between 4 and 6 were the times that I least looked forward to. Reason? That was when my piano master would arrive! A neat, dapper man with meticulously hand-written music, he would proceed to drill me for 2 unpleasant hours and prepare me thoroughly for the piano exams that I appeared for, every October. Much as I disliked being separated from my Sunday evening cartoons and my friends playing happily (and piano classlessly) outside, the lessons weren't really an option for me. My dad being one of the best pianists in Chennai, I was naturally expected to follow in his footsteps, whether I liked it or not. And I, liked it not....very definitely not!

Piano playing, as delightful as it seems to the casual observer, is really the fruits of a horrendous number of practice hours. And I, really wasn't the hardest of workers at things that didn't come easily to me! So I did all I could to avoid this slogging that I loathed so much. Unfortunately, no amount of hiding up trees and in cubby holes could get me out of the hated classes. I even vividly remember being retrieved once, none too gently from under the staircase where I had secreted myself in the hopes that they'd all give up looking for me and send my instructor away! No such luck. Kicking and flailing I was escorted firmly in and deposited on the high piano stool to partake of my weekly dose of Western Classical music. Sigh...

And so it was that I cleared 5 piano grades, certified by the Trinity college of Music, London. By that time, I had insisted on being taught by my dad himself. Unfortunately that turned out to be worse...unable anymore to take his impatient knocks on my head everytime I played a wrong note (which was often), I put my foot down and refused to touch the piano again much to my father's great disappointment. Once again my Sunday evenings became free and life became wonderful without having to worry about reading little black notations dancing between the staves, or trying to get both hands to cooperate at the same time!

It's been years now and I can hardly play anything except for the odd hymn or 'Fur Elise' and regret has slowly started to creep in. It raises its ugly head everytime my father praises a young person proficient at the keys, for it reminds me I am still a disappointment to his dreams of making me a concert pianist. It gets worse when on being introduced as the brilliant man's daughter, the crowd of adoring fans that surrounds my father after every performance pounces on me demanding delightedly if I played as well as my father! Those are the moments when I look at the embarassed look on my father's face and wish I could just melt into goo and disappear through the cracks in the floor.....

Realisation has dawned on me today. I know tons of people who would give their right hands to be trained by a piansit like my dad, but aren't able to 'cos he's not into training and teaching. And you won't believe the number of funny looks I get when I say I stopped because I didn't want to learn under him. I had a master of the art at my disposal, to teach and to correct and to make me greater than he is. But I availed it not simply because I wasn't willing to put my back into it and strain every sinew till I stepped out of my father's shadow and made it on my own. So many years lost, so many opportunities forfeited. I know now that the simple truth is this - I have been a lazy fool.

Looking at a spiritual parallel of this life experience, I find the commonalities amazing. Many a time we refuse to walk the narrow way, straining at the bridle the Master has laid on us, fearing it would be too difficult, too much hard work. Like stubborn donkeys, we dig in our feet and obstinately refuse to put in the effort that it takes to work hard at a relationship with God. We seek an easier, comfortable life where there's less risk, less hurt, less pain. We choose worldiness over godliness and materialism over spiritualism. We opt for sunny summer days without God rather than dark stormy nights hidden under His wings. Result? Spiritual flab, not muscle.

Toiling at the yoke Christ lays on us day and night in terms of disappointments, painful circumstances, failures and brokenness, is certainly not the path to a happy life. But it is the only road to a fruitful life. It is through endurance, perseverance and hard work that the soul becomes primed to take on the character of the Son and peel away the worldly layers revealing the divine image of God within, in which He first made us.

An easy life that has not the commitment and grit of a Christ-centred existence, results simply in a soul whose glorious origins remains unrevealed and unknown. What majesty is there in a soul that remains a lump of clay, however well it may be wrapped in silk and lace. How much more glorious to sweat and bleed for His sake and blossom instead into the wordlessly beautiful character of Christ in you!

James 1:12 says - "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. "

I'm going home to sit at the piano today. Better late than never, I've decided. It works the same way for your soul too you know.....and I'm sincerely hoping you'll take the hint!

Called to be Free!

I had complaints about the previous post. It seems I'd made people cry. "Write something funny now to make up" they sniffed, "You owe us!". I'm trying people. Honestly I am. But I just don't feel very funny, only plenty groggy! You would too if you've just written and discarded atleast 5 different drafts. Looks like my fountain of funnies has dried up. So here I am making a full confession, hoping wildly that by the end of it I would have somehow stumbled upon and made a point!

Let's see now....what's the funniest thing I can lay eyes on right now? Ha! Saved! My sweeping gaze has just set itself on today's funny inspiration - my gorgeous baby golden retriever Blossom, sleeping upside down with her legs in the air as usual, carefree and unworried (much to my mother's constant mortification - "Blossom, you shameless puppy!! What will people say?"). Blossom is 4 months old and thinks she is as light as she was, 4 months ago! If you approach her like all the other poor fools she has beguiled by her gentle golden good looks, you will quickly find yourself wrestling with a puppy monster who's fiercest ambition in life is to climb all over you and maybe try to stand on your head! So from a safe distance, she's gotta be the sweetest li'l bow-wow you ever set eyes on.

Blossy like all babies cannot be trusted to be by herself for even nano seconds. She eats everything she finds (would you believe raw vegetables!) and has appointed herself the official family shredder of anything that makes a ripping noise! So, much to her disappointment, she's always been supervised and tied up. But lately though, she's been pretending to be slightly grown up and has been on her best behaviour. So idiots that we were, we decided to give her free reign of our large garden for the very first time of her life! Blossom sat there and waved that non-stop tail looking up at us adoringly as we debated whether or not to unchain her completely for the first time ever. That 'look-at-me-I'm-so-innocent' look lasted just until the chain clasp came off. And then, she took off like a shot!

We watched amused as she rocketed around the garden hitting every tree in the way in excitement and I was very forcefully reminded of George of the Jungle! We stood watching the golden blur zipping around, jumping into piles of leaves, chasing leaves and tracking imaginery enemies through the undergrowth for a while till we got bored with her antics. Deciding to leave her to her own devices, we returned to our work inside the house while she carried on like a mad dog in the garden.

Some time later, I looked up idly to see her grinning doggy face running past me into the house. In seconds, she happily wagged at me and ran out again. I smiled at her indulgently and returned my attention to my work. But while she repeated the into-the-house-and-out-of-it game, something was niggling in the back of my head. As she had flashed past heading both ways, I was sure I'd caught a glimpse of something in her mouth.

A casual looksee yielded magnificient results. It looked like our little lady had spent the last half hour joyfully filling the house with wood and bracken and dead leaves and every other mouldy thing she could get her jaws on! And what was worse, she seemed to be compensating the garden whose treasures she was robbing, by delivering our clothes to it in return....in some weird doggy barter transaction! I was just in time to get hold of her as she trotted out confidently again with one end of what looked like my underclothing dangling from her mouth! Caught, she dropped the red-hot proof of her doggy sin and zipped into the garden only to return again with yet another piece of fungus-infected bark! But this time I was ready for her and she found herself locked out by the grille door. Check out the photo below for the comically sad expression she was trying on me to worm her way inside! We spent a long time laughing at her that day.

Blossom's canine behaviour funnily reminds me of human behaviour. We need to be supervised all the time too. Unmanned traffic signals are violated, unattended shop counters are shoplifted, unsupervised employees slack off and unwatched students cheat at tests! This is by no means newly evolved behaviour. It dates back to Adam in Eden who left to himself, managed to get us all thrown out of Paradise; Israel in the desert, devoid of Moses' leadership for mere days frenziedly worshipped a golden calf; the apostles in the garden of Gethsemene left alone for mere hours fell asleep instead of praying and David on his terrace one golden afternoon, took another man's wife 'cos he thought no one was watching!

In Christ we are made free. Free from sin and free from death. Joyful news indeed. But a word of caution reader.....that freedom comes with responsibility. Let loose from our burdens and sin, it is easy to go overboard and live life in a way that is unacceptable to God. Remember that the God who set you free also expects you to behave. Blossom's bad-bad was funny. Our abuse of God's freedom is not.

Galatians 5:13 says, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." So unless you wanna be counted on the same intellectual level as my puppy, some shaping up is suggested...pronto!