When Heaven is Silent....

I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering how to deal with life. So many things seem to be going wrong. Friends are moving on with their lives, living, loving, changing, even flourishing. The world itself moves at a blurred and frantic pace all around me. But my life seems to have come to a grinding halt. Work, friends, home....none of these feel satisfying, my dreams lie unfulfilled and my need to be loved is cast aside unattended like a hungry, wailing baby. The universe as I know it, is crashing around me and I can't think of a single person to turn to for comfort. Which of my best friends would understand how it feels to be in my shoes? Which buddy, pal or mate would know the right words to take my pain away? I'm feeling drained and.......something else......I think it's hopelessness. It's raining outside and a single tear rolls down my cheek.

I suddenly remember....what about God then? Talking to Him always helps doesn't it? I feel better just at the thought. So my head bows down, my soul looks up to heaven and I cry out to Him from the depths of my heart. My prayer is simple...I know I don't need to say anymore. "Lord, can you hear my heartcry from where you are? I'm at my lowest right now....please say something, I need you so much." This said, I eagerly await a reply. His still small voice, the usual calming effect, the peace that fills my heart in the aftermath....I await these. Realisation dawns soon and I understand no comfort is forthcoming. Heaven itself is strangely silent.

I am puzzled at first, bewildered at best. How can this be? Did He speak and did I miss it? Is He delaying a reply? Should I wait longer? But as the hours roll by, I realise that the usual comfort He has always afforded me is not coming my way this time. The single tear swells to a flood and I curl myself into my pillow shaking with my personal pain. This was most unfair. Didn't God know He's my only refuge, my only hiding place? How could He desert me when I need Him the most? How can heaven's doors remain closed when a needy heart is knocking? Does God care? Does He truly love me? If yes, then why is He silent? Is He as unreliable as humans too? Is He even there for real? A thousand questions arise in my heart simultaneously, a little like startled birds taking flight.

If you're nodding and saying to yourself, "Been there, done that", then it's you I'm talking to, reader. These are the times when our faith is shaken the most.....the times that challenge our belief that He exists and that He cares.....the times when we are ashamed to discuss or admit our unbelief and doubt in a living, caring God to even close friends. How many times we have all travelled there.

What is the truth then? Does God exist? Does He care? And why is He silent when you are hurting? I'm not even discussing the first question here actually. If we choose to measure God's existence by His responses every time, then understand that He feels no compulsion to prove His existence to us. About His care....well you can hardly accuse a God who gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for our salvation, of not caring! So why then is He silent when you are teetering on the brink of the precipices of hopelessness and frustration?

I would like to draw the answer to this maddening question from a shadowed, moonlit olive garden, 2000 years ago. The Garden of Gethsemane....where Jesus prayed the night before He was crucified. Come with me reader, let us tiptoe in on the scene. The Lord Jesus is parting from His beloved disciples. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" He confides, "stay here, and keep watch" (Mark 14:34). They nod dutifully, but minutes after He leaves, their eyes droop and they nod off to sleep. Fine friends indeed! But let us not tarry here. Let us follow Jesus through the undergrowth, as He walks a stone's throw away from them, kneels in a shadowy recess praying His heart out. We can see His lips move, and if we move nearer, we can hear him say, "Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:35)

It is obvious He is in great emotional and spiritual distress as He contemplates the terrible death that awaits Him the next day. He knows it is His destiny, the awful culmination of His Father's grand salvation plan. He struggles to accept so much pain, so much unfair punishment. His human self tries to reconcile why someone as sinless and pure as He, must be the sacrifice to redeem an ungrateful and undeserving world. Watch with me reader as the Lord of the Universe sweats blood in His anguish and grief. Perhaps His friends can comfort Him. He rises and goes to them, only to find that they sleep without a care in the world. Thrice He returns, hoping atleast one would be awake, praying with Him and for Him. Thrice, He is let down.

Deeply disappointed, He return to His alcove, knowing this time there is not one human He can rely on. Perhaps His Father would comfort Him. He prays again the same prayer while we watch with bated breath, hoping for an astonishing display of thunder and lightning and divine intervention in this drama that is fast escalating towards its horrifying end on Golgotha's hilltop. Minutes pass and we slowly realise it is not to be. The same Father who proudly and dramatically declared Jesus "His son whom He loved and with whom He was well pleased" (Matthew 3:13-17) before large crowds at Jesus' baptism in the Jordan river, is now ominously quiet. The heavens themselves are deafening in their silence.

And yet, Jesus faltered not. The next day on the cross He was to cry out that heartbreaking cry of agony, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani" ("My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" - Mark 15:33-34) . Hanging on the cross, his body rent in tremendous physical agony, Jesus watched in unparalelled spiritual agony as His beloved and holy Father, finding Him repulsive on account of all the world's sin that He now bore on His innocent shoulders, turned away from Him. And Jesus was left alone in an unforgiving world that cruicified its King. And yet, Jesus faltered not. He submitted Himself to His destiny, obedient even unto death on the cross. Not for a moment did He doubt that His Father in spite of the silence, loved Him above all things. It is no wonder then that on the third day, Jesus rose again from the dead.

When God is silent, He is not shutting Himself away from you. He is merely allowing you to seek Him in truth and depth. He waits for your response. Will you be faithful like Jesus, knowing that the sun is just behind a cloud and will reappear at any moment? Or is your faith dependant on what benefits you derive from God? We don't doubt the existence of the sun just because day turns to night. Why then would we doubt His love for us just because He elects to hold His peace as is His sovereign choice? Everyday He speaks to us in myriad wonderful ways, but sunk in our mundane lives, we barely notice. However when He fails to deliver the expected feel-good pep speech, He becomes an indifferent God? Very unreasonable, very stupid and very human.

From the lives of great patriarchs in the Bible such as Abraham, Moses, David and Elijah, we see that for a period, God allows us to struggle through on our own, plowing our way through acres of doubt, always pointing our compasses only to the cross. And though it looks like the Lord believes that sometime or the other, saints must walk alone, He's always around the corner waiting to pick us up when we fall! But even if He doesn't, we are called to simply get up and plod on in our Christian walk.

So the next time the heavens fall silent and the Lord seems faraway, remember the example of one Man whose unwavering purpose and faith in His God, changed the history of mankind forever. Remember....Gethsemane!

Psalm 22:1-5 - "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed.

So Simple!

I’ve started listening to an audio version of the Bible on my car’s CD player these days and I find it very relaxing to have someone read out the life-giving Word of God while I wrestle with traffic, pollution and time-management issues, not to mention fighting the urge to flip my finger at fellow-commuters who insist of getting in my way!
It was during one of these sessions that I came across the healing of the invalid man by Jesus near the pool called Bethesda (John 5:1-15). I have read this passage innumerable times before and have always dismissed it as one more of Jesus’ many kindnesses to pathetic mankind. Somehow though, that particular day, I was blessed to see the entire episode in a totally different light.
Picture this reader – here is this invalid sick man, lying among thousands like him, hoping like all of them to be healed someday. And that hope had lasted 38 years!! That’s half the man’s life gone. Every morning hope would blossom anew in his tired heart that perhaps, just perhaps today would be the day he would be the first to enter the pool as soon as the angel had stirred it. And every morning for 38 years, he was disappointed.
Yet he hoped and persevered……you’ve gotta hand it to this guy for his patience and spunk what say? Maybe it was this that set him apart from the other sick multitudes there. Maybe it was this patience and forbearance that singled him out in Jesus’ eyes for we are told that He enquires and learns of this man’s pathetically chronic sickness.
Now note this - In all these 38 years, the invalid could see only one way out of his problems – that someone would someday show mercy on him and help him get into the pool first. He had lived 38 years for that one day. And that memorable day did arrive, when Jesus came to the feast in Jerusalem, but not in a way this man could have ever imagined.
Jesus did not attempt to race others to the pool carrying the invalid. He didn’t even attempt to advocate that someone do the same. All He did was to look the man in the eye and say "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." And he did! What amazement must have coursed through his body that moment, that every cell of his being snapped to attention at this stranger’s bidding! What joy must have filled his soul at his freedom, his reinstation among the rest of mankind, his restoration to normalcy. What gratefulness he must have experienced that he now had a chance to resume and fully live out the rest of his life! Thrilling!
I wonder though if he every reflected later, that his deliverance came as expected, but in the most unexpected way. He never in a million years would have imagined that the Son of God would be incarnated and choose to heal him out of the thousands who lay near the pool. And yet it happened. In God’s Time. In God’s way – such a simple way.
We are like the invalid sometimes. Our problems engulf us, take all our attention and demand all our problem-resolving resources. So much so, that sometimes we forget that our answers are not the only ones. Turning to God simplifies our lives, solves our issues and enriches our living in unimaginable ways. So what are you waiting for today? Look up (to God), give up (your problems), live up (your life)!!

Philippians 4:6 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Come like little children…..

When I was a little girl (and that was some time ago!), I was constantly told that Jesus loved little children, that He honoured their prayers and that it didn’t matter to Him what colour or shape or size they were….with Jesus, all little children were welcome!

I never questioned this…to me, it was a fact of life. Jesus loved little children because little children were special weren’t they? They were cute and endearing and funny and just….special! Everybody loved little children. So what was the big deal about Jesus loving them too? The only tangible benefit I could see in this whole ‘Jesus loves you’ business was that my prayers for a Raggedy-Ann doll at Christmas were much likelier to be answered than a grown-up’s!

At that age, Jesus to me was not an awesome, powerful God….He was my playmate, my brother…..the friend who always hung around with me. I spoke to Him at all odd times of the day and each time I could hear Him reply! His voice I remember was soft and low and sometimes we even laughed together. I took maximum advantage of His attention and would often ask for small favours - like finding a lost textbook the day before a big test or for weather changes depending on whether I had a picnic or a test the next…..and more often than not, He obliged!! Trust me, He did. And I took it all for granted.

As I grew up however, in a strange inexplicable way, this interaction came to a grinding halt. I woke up one day and suddenly realized that I couldn’t hear His voice anymore. It didn’t bother me much at first. I sort of thought He was taking a sabbatical or something…..but slowly, a kind of panic overtook me….a panic that slowly faded into regret when I realized the process was irreversible….a regret I still haven’t overcome today. Somewhere along my journey from childhood to adulthood, I’d lost the ability to converse with the Lord unselfconsciously and with nonchalant ease. Even today, though I have a satisfyingly deep relationship with Him, it is nowhere close to my experience as a child.

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it”. The NIV study Bible says Jesus was referring to the merits of a child’s nature where natural openness and receptivity at the acceptance of gifts abound. I however like to think differently….

In my view, this one little statement whisks us back to the beginning of time, to the book of Genesis where Adam and Eve frolicked in Eden, unaware of nakedness or shame. These were feelings alien to them until that fatal bite into the taboo fruit from the ‘No-No’ Tree. In effect, Adam and Eve were like children – innocent, unbiased, free of hate, prejudice, fear or anxiety. Their interaction with the Lord was personal and face-to-face …….until Adam fell.

That very moment mankind’s innocence was shattered. Since then, I believe the only time we humans glimpse that primal gift of blissful naiveté and artless, guileless state of mind, is in the genuinely simple nature of children.

In my understanding, Jesus demands that we let go of our prejudices that discern between colour, caste, race, religion and creed and learn to love each other the way children do. Children care not if their friends are poor or ugly or fat or even dirty! They do not shy away from another small grubby hand offered in friendship because the owner of that hand has AIDS. They don’t stop to think that they’ve draped their arms around another small body wearing shabby clothes. They don’t see people in terms of black and white, just a world full of colours merging in harmony. In effect, children reflect primal innocence…they remind God of His first human relationships and I think, that’s why Jesus loves them more.

When Adam fell, his eyes of discernment were opened wide. Today, Jesus demands we close them again and walk in faith in His Light instead…….that we give up our view of the world and revert to the innocence of our childhood……are we up to the challenge?

This thing called ‘Love’……

Human beings are a plethora of emotions…..happiness, sorrow, anger, peacefulness, jealousy, frustration, ecstasy, hate, love and many more….and everyone feels most of these sometime or the other. But the one emotion that has for ages hogged the limelight on the world’s stage is ‘Love’……

What is this ‘Love’? A little girl experiences it while skipping along in the park - an ice-cream cone in one hand and her dad’s protective hand in the other. A little boy feels it when his puppy yawns, rolls over and licks him on the nose. A teenager goes through it when he reads a mushy love note that his crush left in his locker. A mother understands it when her baby’s tiny fist closes over her little finger. A young couple acknowledge it when they look into each other eyes at the altar and say “I do” and old couples know it when they look back at a life of togetherness and memories on their 60th wedding anniversary…..

What is this ‘Love’? How can it apply to so many different people, mean so many different things and yet be the same thing? Is love a feeling, an emotion only? Or is it something more? In my opinion, love is more than just a feeling. It is a commitment. Feelings change…they pass. Commitments are forever. When you make up your mind to ‘love’ someone, you’re essentially making a commitment to care about that person regardless of what they do, where they go or who they become. Easier said than done. If all of us could do this, there would be so much less heartache in the world.

It must be borne in mind that people, being inherently imperfect, WILL let you down, hurt you, abandon you, forget you, and sometimes even turn against you. Nevertheless, true love still loves. I Corinthians 13 says “Love is patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love is slow to anger and keeps no grudges, hates evil, rejoices in truth, always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres”. From a human viewpoint, these qualities may be visible in your love relationship with others now and then. But to consistently love this way seems impossible. Correction: Difficult indeed but not impossible.

Our Lord Himself is our role model here. Despite the many ways we turn away or turn against Him, He remains the faithful lover, the Hound of Heaven that chases us to the farthest corners of the earth in order to win us back. Frankly, we ought to be flattered. I mean, the Creator of the Universe actually sets apart time from his packed schedule of running the place to chase you!!! How amazing can this be? Thrilled? Delighted? Great! Now think….if God who has absolutely no need for human company can love us so much, how much more must we, who depend on relationships for emotional survival, love each other? Chew on it……..

Jesus on your Doorstep...

One book of the Bible that I sneaked looks at frequently in my teens, but never studied seriously, was King Solomon's Song of Songs. Long, idyllic Sunday afternoons while the whole neighbourhood took a siesta was the appropriate time for me to read love poetry. The stillness of the afternoon, the baby blue clouds, the very slight breeze sighing through the trees in the backyard and the chirps and coos of the birds in them will forever remain associated with the Book of Songs in my mind.

What a romantic book it seemed to me...better than even the thousands of slim Mills and Boon volumes that teenage girls my age devoured for breakfast, lunch and dinner! A handsome king, rich and mighty falls in love with a shepherdess, a dark but comely lass, who toils with her hands and is no match for the refined, smooth-skinned ladies of the king's court. And yet it she that the King loves and pines to make His own.

It was much later that I discovered why such sensual romance was part of the Holy Bible....that this was more than just a human love story.....that the Song of songs is an exquisite allegory for the love relationship we share with Christ.

In one memorable chapter, the maiden demurs to open the door for her lover who comes seeking her at night because she's half-asleep and can't be bothered to arise and dress again. The hesitation passes as the clouds of sleep clear and she realises that he is gone. Frantic, she runs around a darkened city, seeking him, calling him by name, only to be beaten and harassed by the night watchmen........in her own words, "she is faint with love" and yearns to be reunited with her royal lover.

Lovely setting....and to me, very remniscent of Revelations 3:20 - Jesus says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.If any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me".....does the similarity strike you?

The Lord stands at the door of our hearts today, a passionate lover, waiting for us to let Him in.....do we hesitate to seize the chance to entertain the most honourable of guests? Does He turn around and walk away slowly, full of disappointment? Do we seek Him then, maybe way too late?

Reader, be advised: Jesus knocks today at the door of you heart......will you let Him in and enjoy His love in the midst of great rejoicing, or will you turn Him away unanswered? The choice is yours.....